Alone

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone.  It wasn’t cause I thought I’d be happy alone.    It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it.  It’s easier to be alone.  Because what if you learn that you need love?  And then you don’t have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shaped your life around it and then, it falls apart?  Can you even survive that kind of pain?  Losing love is like organ damage.  It’s like dying.  The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever.

–Greys Anatomy

feelings

I was watching the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy this evening.  In the last few scenes, Henry was all excited talking to Dr. Altman about getting his job back and becoming independent again.  He was about to tell her that he is doing all those things for her because he loves her when the guy Altman is dating (let’s call him Mr Psych because he is a psychiatrist, I think and I forget what his name is) interrupts.  Altman then shares that she has accepted Mr. Psych’s offer for them (Altman and Psych) to go to Germany.  This crushes Henry’s hopes and instead of telling her what he feels, he asks for a divorce.

Aarrrgh.. What can’t people just say what they feel?  Why can’t we all just do that?  Why don’t we ever allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable, to say what we feel, how we feel?  Why can’t we trust that saying what’s inside is better than building a wall around our hearts keeping all the bitterness locked up? Ugh.